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Gboyega AdedejiGboyega Adedeji
Mentored By Jesus Christ | Writer | Inspiring Speaker | Publisher | Coach | Builder | FOUNDER @ Fridayposts, Hubpile, Witicles| President/CEO at Centre for New Dimension Le
Joined 8 years ago
From Bwari, Abuja - Nigeria
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Article Category >>>Relationship and Marriage

The Wrapped Gift of Pleasure: How To Discern Your Own Marriage

By Gboyega Adedeji       Aug 09, 2019

The Wrapped Gift of Pleasure: How To Discern Your Own Marriage

Before me I have what could be a gift. I am sure if it is packaged in a wine colored material it, will be very attractive for anybody to behold. For many people watching online, I am sure you do not know what is in here, and I am sure somebody here also does not know what is here, but there is something here. Supposing this is a gift meant for somebody, we want to look at that wrapped gift whose content is unknown but which promises pleasure. So we are going to be looking at the wrapped gift a of pleasure. We want to see how we can discern our marriage. So the matter is the Wrapped Gift of Pleasure: How To Discern Your Marriage.


Our focus is marriage this morning, and I pray that the Lord will give us utterance and largeness of heart to bear it in the name of Jesus. Let's go to the book of Genesis 3 from verse 1. I will begin my reading from verse 1. It is a familiar Scripture but I believe the Lord wants to teach us something from there.


"Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Has God indeed said, "You shall not eat of every tree of the garden'?" And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, "You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die."' Then the serpent said to the woman, "You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, "Where are you?" So he said, "I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself." And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?" Then the man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate." And the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

Genesis 3:1-13


I want us to pause here since we know the ending of it. But I want us to conclude that thought with the ending part of verse 13. And I will read it again, And the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." May the Lord bless the reading of His word in our heart in Jesus name. We are looking at the wrapped gift of pleasure. And we want to see how we can discern our marriages.


Now if we want to start from the two words wrapped every one of us is very much aware of what the word pleasure means. It is what is desirable, something that an average person loves, you want it, you love it, in fact you can do anything to get it, that's what pleasure is; sleep is what we love we can beg people please leave me alone I want to quickly sleep. Some could have pleasure for sleep. That is just an example of something that could give us pleasure something we all desire. But I want us to note the word "wrapped" and then we will note the word discern. The word "wrapped" is a very simple word. It means to cover something or someone with something else, to surround something. For instance there is something inside this and it is wrapped in this material, cotton material.


It is wrapped there, so you cannot see this item, you cannot see what I have inside here simply because it is wrapped. If I present it to you, it therefore becomes a gift to you. I could have taken it from anywhere but as soon I've wrapped it, and I've brought it to you, it becomes a gift to you. So when you wrap an item, it is intended, it is done so as to make something presentable so as to create the element of surprise, so as to also ensure that the one who wants to receive it may not fully grasp the true identity of what is inside it.


Some people could be given some gift wrapped and you are so excited, only for you to find something else. And you are like "what is even the point." So when you wrapped an item you do not want the person receiving it, to immediately judge the true implication of receiving it. You have wrapped 10,000 dollars, the person does not know its 10,000 dollars. He collects it from you it looks a bit weighty he says thank you for the gift. If the person knows its 10,000 dollars, the person’s excitement will be instantly noticed or instantly expressed. But because the identity is wrapped it is not known. Appreciation is not quickly or instantly received, condemnation is not quickly or instantly received. For instance, I can wrap a wrist watch for somebody, the person may not appreciate me, may not even know it is a wrist watch. He will just say thank you sir. Only for the person to find out it was "wow", it is what he/she has been praying for.


So the second word that we want to explain is the word "discern." You know we said our focus is the wrapped gift of pleasure, then we want to discern our marriage. We want to learn how to discern our marriage. The word discern there means one of these three things, it depends on what you want to pick. It means "to see", it means "to recognize", then it means "to understand." So, if you discern a thing, it means you see a thing, if you discern a thing, it means you recognize a thing, if you discern a thing, it means you understand it. So, discernment is also like the spirit of understanding, you are able to distinguish between two things.


Since we are looking at how you and I can discern our marriage, it is important that you know that the fact that you are married doesn't mean you are seeing your own marriage. It is one thing to be a married man, a married woman, it is another thing for you to see what you are into. Many people have said that if a mad man is aware of his madness, then he is no madder. When you tell a mad man you are a mad man, he tells you, "You are a mad man." He does not believe he is mad. If only he can accept his madness, solution has come. Jesus speaking to a group of people and He was talking to them, I think the Pharisees asked Him; they said "are we also blind?" Jesus said "it would have been good if you had known that you are blind. But that you are blind and you do not know that you are blind then your blindness persist." When you know your state then you can find a solution, or you can sustain it.


If you are in a good state you can sustain it, sustain the momentum. If you are in a feeble state or a bad state, you can seek for solution for how to make it strong. So it is important for you to discern your own marriage. Don't be an expert in other people’s marriages, your own marriage is your primary preoccupation, discern it. Because the judgment or the praise of God on your life is not going to be how you have understood other people’s marriages, how you have related with other people’s marriages but your own behavior, your own conduct within your own marriage. I am sure we understand that. Whether we will be praised by God is not because we know how brother A and sister B are managing their home, and how they are able to handle it well. Your praise before God is how you and your husband, you and your wife are able to discern where you are, what you are in, and you are able to optimize what is able to be optimize there.


If we look at the story of Adam and Eve that we began with, a few lessons can be learnt. If we go back to chapter 2 verse 7, verse 15 and then verse 18. We can see a sequence that led to chapter 3. Chapter 2 verse 7 says: "And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being." God formed man from the dust of the ground, breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living being. Let's read verse 8 too, "The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed." That is the second sequence, the first sequence in verse 7 is that God formed man. And the man that was formed became a living being. A being that functions, in verse 8 then the Lord God put the man He has formed in the garden He has created or planted.


In verse 15, "Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." The Lord God took the man, put the man in the garden. And He did not put him in that garden to while away time and look around but to have responsibility over it. It says to tend it, to keep it. That's the next thing and I want us to note that what happened in verse 18 is premised on what happened in 18 and 19. Haven received that mandate from God to tend and keep the garden, man began to work, he had received an assignment from God he has gotten a job. What many people call job, he has gotten a work from God, and he gas began doing the work. But verse 18 God noticed something and let's see what happened in verse 18.


"And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; (and that is the genesis of marriage) I will make him (it is not a council, a family arrangement, it is God making it happen. I will make him a helper comparable to him." So from this point, the need for marriage was established. Loneliness is a bad thing. Companionship is an essential commodity. Suitability is a necessity. No to loneliness, companionship is very crucial, and suitability is necessary. Marriage is created by God to eliminate loneliness. Don't forget we are discerning your marriage now, we are not discerning my own marriage. We are not discerning your friends marriage, it is your marriage; so you must understand that the reason why God instituted your own marriage, why God ensured that you got married to that woman, why God ensured that you married that man is that he must never be lonely again and that you must never be lonely again. If after two of you have been brought together by God and there is an element of loneliness, then it means one of you has not fully grasp the marriage. So loneliness is a No! No!!


The second thing is companionship. It says I will make a helper comparable to him in another version it says companionship. I think there is a particular version that says; companionship. When the Bible says it is not good for the man to be alone, the next thing He said I will make him a helper. That word helper is a word that could also go for a companion for him. If all the woman does is to help him, and only help him without providing companionship for him, the help will not be complete. Of course if I have a need for companionship and you are providing it, you are helping me.


And another thing He says is a helper comparable to him that is well suited for him. So if you will understand your marriage, then you must understand that that woman, that man suit you well. That is the man that is best for your life. And it is important we start with that. So that there will be contentment and understanding in the marriage. Good news Bible says "I will make him a suitable companion", we still see suitability companionship. That's a way of helping. And the reason why we emphasize this help is because it is important you help people on the basis of their need. If you will grasp your marriage if you will discern your marriage, then as a woman, you must help your husband to the degree of his need.


Not to the degree of your understanding of his need. Or your own acceptance of his need. So it is not as if the man has a need for A, B,C, and D and the only thing you think you can focus on is on A and D. Let him figure out B and C. Then you are not showing discernment for your marriage. Because your marriage is rooted in the three words, that we mentioned. Loneliness, companionship and suitability.


That is your marriage, we are not talking about their marriage, it is your marriage. So, if you are going to be a helper, one of the things I want us to note that is really or perhaps being pumped in my spirit is that if I have a need and you call yourself my helper and I have six needs and you only focus on one or two or three are you helping me? And knowing full well that you are the only one that God has created to help him. You are the only one that can help him and I have six needs and you tell yourself the only one am interested in is three, let him figure out the other one. Do you show discernment for your own marriage? Do you know the three could be OK for another marriage why the man in the marriage may only have three needs. So if the woman could only provide those three needs that man could be fulfilled.

And if the Man is fulfilled, the marriage is a successful marriage. We are finding out the root of problems in marriages. What makes a marriage work is different from what makes another marriage work. However the three components are essential but however they vary in their sizes and in their intensity. In fact, a man may have a need for attention another man may not have it as a serious need. If you now assume that since that man's husband does not demand attention, your husband that is demanding attention is demanding it in error, then you are not fully discerning your own marriage. You must begin understanding of your marriage by asking questions: What is it that my husband really needs and you begin from there. If they are 5, it is your responsibility to master how to meet the five needs.


If you can do that, you are helping him. And do you know how God has also created you. We are not talking about his wants now we are talking about his needs. If you can meet his five needs, invariably you will be providing companionship for him. He will never be lonely. If you find men that are complaining, check it out; something is not tidy with the area of loneliness. Myself and Bro. Abiola did a research less than a month now about a particular husband who comes home minimum 10 pm every day. And his work does not require that. When he is on his own he can come 11:30pm. When he is very early 10:05pm and he does it daily. We have been observing him for months.


But we began focused research in less than a month. Ask the question if the wife is busy gossiping around the community, does it not show that the husband has made her lonely at home? That is an angle! Another angle is what is it that has chased this man out? Could it be that even though he is around he is still lonely, could it be that his needs are not really met even though he is around. Instead of us to blame the man who is in search of people or things that will meet his needs, we should also ask the woman to sit down and discern her marriage. Why is it difficult for her husband to come home early? Why is it that the children always fall asleep before the Husband comes? The husband goes out as soon as the children are going to school early in the morning.


How can such a marriage be claiming they are meeting their needs of companionship and it is tied to meeting needs being a true helper. Identify the needs of your husband. We are not talking about his wants. As a woman identify those needs. Ensure that you become a master at meeting them. Ensure that no other woman in the world can compete with you on those needs. Don't try and give excuse, must he always have those needs met? Yes that's the reason because it is so simple.


Genesis 2:18 God said "it is not good that he should be lonely." So it means that a man who is lonely is in a bad state of life. For God who designed man, who created man even said it is not good for him, it is dangerous for him. It is tempting for him. He can collapse, he can fail, and he can even die. Why he is alone. Everything I've created is good but being alone does not make a man good. Now that man does not just want a woman to just stand beside him and just say I am standing beside him. The woman must stand beside the man helping.


And it is even through helping that you can even truly stand beside. If a woman will always be seen by her husband, it means the various needs of her husband are being attended to by her. Do we understand? So where we will begin from this morning is asking men questions: have you found the work of your life? The first question. Number 2, are you doing it? Number 3, do you know the things that you need to do that you need help doing them? I have you been able to itemize the needs of your life? If they wake you up where do you want your wife to come in? Can you say this, this, and this? If she can come in these areas, I am complete.


How many women are asking their husbands, what are the exclusive list of your needs? If bro Abiola ask me now, what do you need? I will give him the list of the things I think he can do right? That's not exclusive! A wife should be able to know the exclusive list of her husband's needs. She should know. And she must know the areas that she fit in the areas that she fit in will make her a true companion of her husband. She should not say I can only do this one I cannot kill myself. If you can't kill yourself, very soon somebody else will try to replace you on that need inside somebody else or something else.


Because once you fail in meeting those needs, he will return back to his state of loneliness. Some stop their loneliness problem with laptop, with some is their iPhone, Samsung, that's why some men will always keep in touch with the latest phones and latest gadgets. Why? They keep their needs “latestly” met. If there is anything like that. You can just pardon that English. I remember the president of America mentioned the word "biggerly" I never heard it until he said it. You don't have to be the president of American to create an English word.


Every time android is updating they are meeting the needs. A man who has his needs met through all that will want to keep in touch with all that and keeping in touch with A, is you keeping away from touch from B. You cannot afford as a man to have your wife getting also in touch with something else away from you. It's taking her away from the real assignment. It looks like we are going into the details but it is very good for us. Because we actually commit errors on the details. Some people coin the word that the devil is in the details. But our errors is in the details.


We fail in the areas of details, on the surface we are succeeding, but in the details underneath we fail why the basic things are omitted by us. We think they are not important. A laptop cannot substitute your wife. To have a sense of joy a sense of fulfillment is not with a phone. It cannot be. And if a woman is avoiding meeting the needs of her husband then she is pushing her husband into things. Some people have become Man Utd fans not because they really love Man Utd but because that's the only time they can be happy. So while looking for Man Utd, they started embracing some beers. And so while embracing some beers with Man Utd some girls start coming into their lives. And that is how they ultimately lose their marriage. Why a need has not been met at home.


I remember before I got married I used to watch Barcelona games, in viewing centers not as an addicted fan, but as somebody who just loves occasional things. Its only once a week. On Saturday or Sunday I go there. And in those days I remember when I was in courtship with my wife, every time I go like that and I just tell her that I went to watch football even when we just got married I mistakenly did it once or twice. You see, something I did being single, I tried to do it in marriage. After doing it once or twice, I regretted doing it and I started praying, "Lord give me a DSTV that I can watch matches." And one of the things that I learnt in those period is you want to economize. Because You ask yourself I don't need to watch more than four times in a month, 50 naira times 4 =200, 100 times 4= 400. Why should I now watch it in the house and then pay thousands of naira?


So you want to go to the viewing centre whereas when guys get to the viewing centre, they listen to conversations that are not necessary, they drink things that are not necessary, and they could also be in companion with ladies that are not necessary. But we even avoid all that. The first decision I had to make, was to tell myself I should sit down in the house and I was trusting God for a day when I was able to watch live game. Because the truth is, what stops you from really watching that game with your wife in the house? You say "ah that thing is normally interesting when everybody is together shouting goal."


You can do the goal with your wife, you cannot be doing it with your wife if you are an addicted fan you cannot be doing it with your wife and you are carried along again with girls. They don't go together. But we want to just enjoy on our own. While trying to seek pleasure, we depart from the origin, the place that God has kept our pleasure. It is in the marriage. Because as soon as you are not lonely you are no more bored. Mr. Obayomi if you are the only one in your office, and I come and spends 10 minutes with you, the two times are they the same?


Which one do you normally like most? Even though it is a brief moment he doesn't mind it. That is to show that we are better off when we are in a company of others. The bible says two are better than one. You are hardly laughing alone. When we think we are laughing alone, we are laughing with our laptops and phones, we are not laughing alone, we are on a social media, we are laughing when we are watching Instagram, watching YouTube somebody is communicating with us and we are laughing we would soon find out what happened to Adam and Eve.


They were supposed to be keeping company of themselves eventually Eve began to keep company with the serpent. That time was not the first conversation together so instead of Eve being in a perpetual company of her husband, she began to seek company elsewhere. She began to give audience to other people. And that's why we must be careful. We are better off and we are best when we are with a people. When we are in a team of others at least other person. That's why the bible says two are better than one. That's the truth. Any reasonable two is better than any reasonable one. And in the context of marriage your true joy your true pleasure is imbedded in your marriage. And it is waiting for your true companionship. I have said it to Bro. Abiola and I don't know if I have said it you also that; whenever my wife is around she does not need to talk to me I just need her presence. I told you about that coverage.


Anytime I just have that signal connecting, I may be sending signal she may be reading or doing something as long as she is within, whatever am doing I seem to prosper. If I am trying to solve a puzzle, a code, trying to learn something, I am confused over a thing when she comes around I just find answers. Sometimes, she will jokingly say "what can I do without her?" But that's the truth. But when she is around, my brain settles down, it is no more scattered around, so I now have opportunity to even see the bigger picture then am now able to solve problems why? She is around me. She is keeping company and when you don't appreciate the company of your wife you begin to seek it elsewhere.


The root of corruption in our society is still in the marriage, loneliness. Politicians that prefer to be at the campaign office and the secretariat of their political parties, check them out. You cannot be in those campaign centers and be in your house at the same time. Now there is a particular coach, the coach of Juventus that just retired Allegri. He coached Juventus for about five years people were expecting that he will take over at other big clubs like Barcelona and the rest but he said he wanted one year leave.


He said he wants to spend more time with his family, you will now ask he didn't even say more time he said spend time with his family. It means he was not spending time. When he was succeeding in Juventus, people were looking for him in his house. For instance Ferguson and Arsene Wenger, several times their wives were asking them to retire. But they still want to do work. When the wife is asking for the husband to retire it means the wife wants the husband around. How can you be meeting the need of somebody that is far away? The husband is in a state you are in another state. There will be loneliness.


So the root of unwanted pregnancies, the root of adultery, drinking, lack of productivity in offices is in loneliness. Lonely managers cannot be productive in their businesses. It is difficult for a lonely business person to be productive. Because as you are lonely your mind is wondering because there is a need in your life that must be met. And you are looking for how to even meet that need before you think about how to meet the business needs, the organizational needs. So, if we want to solve the societal problem, let's begin from this root. Let wives find the needs of their husbands, let them see the needs. That's why we are saying discern your marriage. Your marriage is rooted with your union - it is all about your union with that man. Find out what are the needs of that man, see it, and recognize it the man could have been showing off his needs for many years or for many days. Maybe you have not seen it yet, seek to see it.


If you can see it very well you can meet the needs because you have been created to meet his needs. You have been fashioned to meet the needs, you have been empowered to meet his needs. You have been gifted, you have been graced to meet his needs. You don't struggle when you are meeting his needs you are just distracted. You don't struggle. That's talking to women.


There is an area of dealing with men. Somebody wants to meet your needs, you are not recognizing it. She is trying her best to meet your needs, you are discouraging her. You must stop that. Because if you think you are married, you'd marriage is substantiated, is confirmed by her keeping company with you and helping you. You cannot be finding company elsewhere as a man, deriving joy elsewhere as a man and still telling yourself you are married there is something my wife wrote in a book, the marriage covenant that many divorce cases are just the things people see, they are just the aftermath of the separation that had taken place for years men and women are living under the same roof but separated, eventually ending up divorced in public but have been separated for years.


Some men and some women can never use the same spoon. If the wife mistakenly tries to use the tooth brush of her husband the husband will throw it away. Some men and some women don't sleep on the same bed. You think you are married you are not married. People could think you are married you are not married. And let me say this, if there is a blessing of God on marriage it cannot really land on your own marriage since it is a pseudo marriage. Pseudo marriages are not only marriages between women and women and between men and men, pseudo marriages are also marriages that are fake, but appearing to be real.


A man who is not really joined to his wife, could tell the world he is married but the heavens are aware he is not married. So when God is sending blessings on marriages, it is escaping such a union because it is not a real union, it is a union on paper “Mrs Jefferson - Mr Jefferson” it is the world that could be deceived God cannot be mocked, whatever a man and his wife does the same they will reap. I pray God will help us in Jesus name. Some marriages have gotten to a very complicated form, the children from that marriage is not from the couple, the wife gets impregnated somewhere, the husband impregnate others somewhere. People come for naming ceremony but the children people see do not belong to the husband and the wife. Complicated stories and you still want God to bless. The foundation of God stands sure, what God has instituted, it remains.


Then we want to see another phase of what we are learning this morning, the wife saw God has said don't eat this, but it got to a time that it looks as if what God said they should not eat what was wrapped by the serpent and brought to Eve. Do you know why I used the word wrapped? Because the serpent, brought it to them without allowing them to fully understand the true implication. Please if the devil made sure that Adam and Eve were clear that as soon as they eat it their eyes would be open, they will know they are naked God will send them out of the garden and they will never enter. Will they eat it? Just think about it. If they were aware 100% the full consequences of eating that fruit will they have eaten it? Does it worth it? Since they did not fully understand the implication of eating it, it means what they ate was wrapped for them.


But it was something they knew if they eat it they will get pleasure from it. Do we understand the sequence? However the wife began to listen to the serpent to the point that she was given something that was not completely true. The information they had was not completely true, they marketed the idea to her and then she got into it. And haven gotten into it, even though she came into the whole scene, even though the husband began with God, even though the husband began to walk with God and God was pleased with him, even though she was a reward of the work of the husband, she was a blessing of God to her husband, she convinced the husband to believe that that gift was indeed for pleasure. Sending them out of garden, putting two cherubs in front of the garden and sending them to toil on the earth. Which one was pleasure? Was the pleasure in front of them or was it behind them?


It was behind them because God said you will toil; talking to the man, in pain. Nothing was not rosy afterwards. So they left rosiness, they left comfort, they left pleasure for displeasure, they left comfort for discomfort. However the woman was promised that comfort is really ahead. Pleasure is really ahead. Those who drink beers drink because comfort is promised. You will have a feeling that you are on top of the world. Those who are taking weed or marijuana they take it with the impression that there is a comfort ahead.


Those who commit fornication and adultery, they do it with a promise of pleasure. There is nobody who can be fully informed of the full consequences of his actions and he is aware that it will never be good and he will still do it. Why is it that none of us has decided to see a train coming and we have jumped into it? Why is it that none of us have been inside cars running at 100k/h and we will open the door and we jump out of it. Why is it that none of us have seen a car coming at us with full speed and we jump in front of the car, why?

We seem to know the implication, we know there is no comfort jumping in front of the train, or a moving vehicle. We know that it is either the person dies or comes with no life or half life. Nobody gets fully aware of the dangers of his actions and then commit himself into it. Speaking about Jesus in Hebrews 12:2, Bible says "looking unto Jesus the author and the finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set ahead of him, joy set ahead of him, fulfillment set ahead of Him, pleasure set ahead of Him, what did he do? He denied himself, he endured the cross, He despised the shame, he able to hold Himself why because there is a joy ahead of Him." Nobody who is aware of pain ahead of him calamity ahead of him and then will do something to get there. You rather do something to avoid it. Why you are seeing the dangers ahead.


None of us, even though we have electric lines in front of our houses, have decided to hold a naked wire in our hands that is very long. We hold one in our left hand the beginning then throw the other end at the pole or a transformer. Then you say I just want to feel electricity, you see this thing that on my light, let it on my life. Let my life be ignited by the fire. Maybe the person has prayed so much in the vigil. Nobody in his right mind, I have never seen even a mad man do it, holding naked wire throwing the other end at the transformer why nobody wants to die. For the danger of death we avoid it.


Jesus for the joy set ahead of Him He endured. Because He knew endurance will get him to that joy. For Eve she did not see the danger ahead of her clearly. She was not able to discern her marriage. She was not able to discern what could destroy her marriage. She did not even know that her action would destroy her grandchildren for the rest of their lives. She did not understand that what she was going to do that will happen in the twinkling of an eye under ten minutes, 5 minutes, 30 minutes was going to destroy her generation forever. She did not know. If she had known that woman will be crying in the labor rooms some women will be dying in the labor rooms among other things, she would have avoided just a gift.


Because she could have said to the one who presented the gifts to hell with you and your gifts. Because Peter said it to Simon the sorcerer, he said "perish with your money because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money perish with your money". Perish means to hell with your money. The devil was going to hell. To hell with your gift I don't need it. If it is a gift for me why did you wrap it? Why are you confusing me, why are you deceiving me, why are you manipulating me? Why are you enticing me, why are you luring me into it. Why can't you make everything open? Let me see the joy and the pain of it of this action and let me make a wise decision since you are deceiving me I don't even want to be part of it. Many marriages have gone down simply because a woman got an idea somewhere and I want us to watch this we are following the story of Adam and Eve, a woman got an idea somewhere, that instigated a behavior in her, that then made the husband angry and then the husband in anger responding to the behavior of his wife decides to go into error.


Please can two wrongs make a right? The wife was instigated somewhere, the friend told her something, a family member told her something, an associate in the office said something and then she got an idea and then because of that idea, she brought it to her husband who was with her and he also ate. Because the idea was so much in the woman, she brings it to her Husband in the house my husband this is it and the husband gets angry and say because of this thing that you have done I will never do this again, I will never be faithful to you again, because am only loyal to you, you are now messing around and then the man decides to become a full time womanizer.


Because of that their generations are destroyed. The Bible says "two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor." Since the husband has gone AWOL, the husband has gone haywire because of the action of the wife, there is no more a joint effort, there is no more a joint reasoning, thinking, there is no more a joint execution of projects and therefore they have nothing as husband and wife to say this is the fruit of our labor. And Bible says the Lord shall bless the work of your hands.


So, when God comes to that marriage, God finds nothing on their hands why their hands are disconnected, their hands are joined together why? Somebody somewhere sowed a seed in their wife. The wife tried her best to share the idea with her husband through her actions and words the husband has gone away in error, gone away in confusion, gone away into deception. And so when God comes to judge God who is the judge of all. Don't forget we said in the beginning that God is the judge of all, when God comes to judge He begins with the husband what is it that you have done, and many husband's tell God is not me 'o', I was originally faithful, I loved my wife, in fact my marriage was the most important thing in my life until my wife did this.


I was a normal human being until he did this that got me abnormal, that got me carried away, that got me angry in fact from that day I said I will never be faithful to a woman again. And God goes to the woman, why have you done this? And she says "God you know me 'na', I was the sisters coordinator, in fact I have always loved you, you know I have served you, you know me you know the things I have done for you. You many years that I have labored for you, it was not me you know my knowledge you know I have been operating in this grace that you have given my life, I have healed, the sick I have cast out demons, I have prayed for people, I have witnessed I have done evangelism it was just that sister she came to my office and then she brought the envelope she brought the story she shared the news with me and then, she told me she was advising me she told me she was helping me, she told me she was wishing me well." And God goes to the woman why have you done this?

In fact God does not go to the serpent to say why again.


Talking to those idea givers, those who destroy homes those who destroy lives and destinies. He said because you have done this you are cursed. But please will Gods curse on those sources of confusion, the curse of God on those people, those it remove the curse on the couple? Does it change the curse on their generations to blessing? No! The problem has been created. The word of God to husbands and wives is explanation nobody is looking for it, somebody has said nobody is looking for the reasons why you are poor, everybody is looking for how you made it. Nobody wants to know the three ways why you failed. Sir can you tell us the 13 reasons why you failed? Then share your ideas we want to know why you failed nobody wants to fail. Everybody is curious to know how you made it.


God is not interested in the reasons for your marital failure. Your marital failure will not even excite your grandchildren, "do you know I failed as a great grand pa simply because your great grand ma...." All those things are not important. Sit down and fix your marriage, tell your wife, the needs of your life, these are the areas you can help me, if you do this I will never be unfaithful. Why are you keeping it from her and that woman should go to her husband and ask. If you want to ask on the bed, if you want to kneel down ask, my husband please give me all the list.


Before I got married, my wife didn't watch football, but now she watches with me, the club I support in premiership she is supporting the club, the club I am supporting in Spain, she is supporting. But she is with me. She is doing it because she believes her husband is doing it. She is trying to meet me at the point of my need. Am using that as an example; find out the complete list. Don't just know the spiritual needs of your husbands, find out the emotional needs.


If he even has financial needs find out. He cannot be going to places and people looking for help when you are there. Together let help come. Work together with him for that help. Let your husband be able to say that there are twelve things I have done in my life and all the things you have done in my life all the twelve you helped me with them. The reason why some men can do away with some women is because they look at their lives they can hardly find anything. My first car you didn't help me, my first house you didn't help me; you were nowhere to be found when I published the first book I couldn't find you, you were so busy.


So what is the hold you have on my destiny? If you go I will still continue to make it. People like me now I can't say it. Because everything I've done, I did it with my wife that doesn't mean she has gotten the full list. I think she should also ask for the full list. It must be a complete list. Let him not have any item that he is reserving for his grandparents. I think his cousin will know let him tell you everything. Husbands tell your wife everything. And I pray that God helps us in Jesus name.


Let there be no room. If every man is engaged in terms of companionship there will be little time for woman to seek counsel elsewhere. When they are confused, they come first to their husbands.

I pray that God will help us.



Source: Centre for New Dimension Leadership


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Article Tags: Wrapped Gift, Pleasure, How To, DISCERN, Marriage, Singles, Relationship, Marriage 101 Courtship, Dating, Podcast, CentreNDL
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Gboyega AdedejiAbout Gboyega Adedeji
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Mentored By Jesus Christ | Writer | Inspiring Speaker | Publisher | Coach | Builder | FOUNDER @ Fridayposts, Hubpile, Witicles| President/CEO at Centre for New Dimension Leadership | Entrepreneur | Husband & Father. Engaging me will change you!

I am a Nigerian and an Ambassador of Christ sent to Nigeria for the cause of His Kingdom. By divine-making, I read, teach and speak. I am a Dad to my children and a husband to my lovely wife Omolara. Simply, I am a Writer, Teacher, Coach, Leadership Developer, Conference Speaker and Publisher among others. I am a Creative Managing Partner at kpInspirationals, a media outfit based in Abuja. For more about me, Visit my profile page on Webnigerians, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn

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